7/10/23
And it’s a cool morning in July and it’s the first morning in your life and walking through the wet leaves and soggy earth your thoughts blend into your surroundings and there is no inside and there is no out only the gentle upwards and downwards movements of breath here there and everywhere and it is only always ever Now, no before no then no after no present, even, only just Now and what is and what has been forever eternal it’s the trees standing tall and swaying in the light wind and you are literally those trees, it’s the endless stretches of silky grass and its opposite above rolling white clouds and it’s no longer a metaphor you actually are the stretches of grass and hills and sky and it’s so striking and beautiful you can’t even feel what’s in your pockets and your mind because it’s all in background now, it’s all a shadow to the vivid reality of this moment, beckoning.
7/17/23
The red sun setting through a milky haze - I have no questions. The stillness of day’s end, passing duty over to night, dogs barking, bird’s melody, upper frequency of droning insects, car tires on gravel, all seems correct. All seems as it should. Smell the humid air, drink in the luscious green textures, a doe grazes in the tall grass and locks eyes with you for a few seconds and continues on. Ethereal sky, unearthly beauty in the tallness of a tree, vines creeping up in a perfect spiral. Unbelievable is the word that comes to mind, foolishly. Believe it! This is it! This is the inconsolable day, this is the apple to slice into pieces, this is the divine, eternal, endless, endless in its impunity. Endless in its always ending, endless in its awe, sheer awe, sheer delight that opens your eyes wide, wide, wide and doesn’t let you close them again. Awe that burns, awe that inspires, awe that becomes manifesting physically through the pores in my skin into whatever and whoever it is my experience permits. I’ve been here before and I will again but enough references to the past, enough of the rhymes and rhythm. Let it wash over me like hot wax and mold me here forever. Let me hold it gently, this moment, this all pervading stillness. No more caricature, no more pretensions or expectations or models or ideas. Just here, just now, just life, just love. Ahhh… so. It’s just. Just. Just. Ahhh…
Leaving Buffalo - 7/22/23
I’ll just think about it more - about the beauty of art and nature and life and the people you meet and the boundless particulate transference and transformations that spontaneously shimmer and pop with the quickly passing infinite moment of comparison, your life and mine in this moment I see it all. I’ve lived yours, I’ve suffered and loved not like you but literally as you in this moment we align and our souls meet above our bodies in secret laughter, a smile a nod a glance and I’m totally enraptured totally forcefully here and now meeting your eyes and I have to look away, my feet are already moving but your eyes I only wish to hold this sweet contact forever because we’ve loved and will love again, I know you in there, I know the you in there because you know the me in here, and hello hello hello my love it’s you again and here we are playing with creation playing with the lines bordering reality and whatever else is out there, we hold hands across the line - that’s how it is when you show yourself through the hand of a human and manifest as beauty’s eyes, and all of the suffering confusion and disorientation - I see it in your hand - it’s all a translation process which allows us to see and recognize each other and laugh, laugh, laugh in joy an outburst of relief, I know! I know you! My love, I have no questions, I have no questions you’ve quieted my questing mind, you’ve cooled the fire in my heart, you are the fire, you are the heart, you are, you are. And I can only rejoice. Rejoice in my dissolution, rejoice in my sorrow, rejoice in my un-becoming, rejoice for it is all for this, this, this now this moment rejoice for this one meeting of the eyes and we are fire, fire and what remains, pure ash, pure blown away, pure particles of infinity, pure particles of nothingness, my love, my love, my love…
Trying hard to re-remind myself of nothing-
painted thick patterns
all I see
Thy will, not mine.
8/25/23
Because it just made sense to me
And I felt so free
And every symbol
fit into place
Past and future blends into soup, I am assured
Not a tear
in the fabric settling my existence
9/5/23
And it’s a warm night in September and it’s the first night of your life and sitting on the firm surface in the fluorescent subway your thoughts blend into your surroundings and there is no inside and there is no out only the gentle upwards and downwards movements of the breath here there and everywhere and it is only always ever Now no before no then no after or present, even, only just Now and what is and what has been forever eternal it’s the concrete stretching far and flickering in the chasms and you are literally those platforms it’s the endless tallness of swaying buildings and its opposite below rolling river waves and it’s no longer a metaphor you actually are the tallness of buildings and cars and people and it’s so striking and beautiful you can’t even feel what’s in your pockets and your mind because it’s all in background now, it’s all a shadow to the vivid reality of this moment, beckoning.
Romanticization of Belligerent Drunkenness
Old friends
Flirtations
Dissolvement of tears
Ever clear stays the
night
I can’t see the hands in front of me
A hookah makes its appearance
with strangers under orange glow
Delightful soliloquy
Friends lead me to
my closing
as darkness shrouds.
I cite my references-
Standing
nowhere.
I Stand Nowhere
Always having known and never to be forgot again.
I should’ve written down what I was going to say and what came out was bumpy unconfident and irrelevant. But my blood flows harshly and my heart is beating. Unplanned and afraid I plunge myself into the ecstasies of life. Mother, welcome me. I give it all up to you.
I’ve got this life
What, am I gonna shout and scream and stamp my
feet and cry and say “Gah! Enough! Why why why?!”
Of course not
Who do
you think chose this one? It’s quite entertaining.
But, letting go of
that,
It’s all I need,
perfectly what I need.
Well, you wrote it this way
didn’t you?
Keep looking
Keep looking for the truth. And keep looking! You can’t find it
because it is you! You are it! All of it! I look at you and I
see your body… ahh… your personality… eeehh… your astral identity…
ooooh… your karmic predicament… yummm
Keep looking
I see a mirror!
Myself playing with myself by pretending we are separate. What an
interesting game! And see, it’s so much fun cause that moment when you
come back into the union of it all is… ahh! Such bliss! Infinite delight
in such a moment! And all that time spent wandering in the darkness
wallowing in sorrow
it’s to get to this bright light
This stunning
moment where separation dissolves and
here we are.
Here we are: is a place with no time, no space
So it seems…
We’ve always been here! Always have always will.
Where you gonna hide? I may forget Him for a moment but He will never forget me.
A moment? A thought
Just a thought away…