had between train rides
to and from infinity
The heavy steel rolling
and our heavy lungs heaving
Despite, and through, a
heaving synthesis of
distorted bass and
a story you told once
of walking around katonah
forever in the rain
Tell me again, dream
lover, how it felt
to be alone then
Every drop of rain that
touches my face is
one of your tears
that I wipe off your
gentle soft cheeks
down under the cow's
hill leaning against me,
leaning against the
wooden handle.
Remember the storm,
one of those nights,
and the orange-fire in
the sky? It was pouring
rain but there are
still coals.
Somehow
I'm finally finding myself
in the soft quiet
cave in the night
that was your home then
are you still here
sleeping, dreaming
your conscious dream?
my love for you is
more permanent
than anything I can
think of. My love for you
is like love for an old
broom, Eventually I am
swept up too.
4/2026
Subtle changes in my
body and emotions
I'm a little weaker -
I run out of breath
quickly and my skin
is more susceptible to
scratches and bruises.
My eyes are softer
and my belly is
softer. I feel
more like a divine
child
more like
a low point of a stream
not blundering around
the woods with my
big hands and feet.
making demands
and getting disoriented
and sad when there
is no response from
the silent woods.
I am quieter
I become the
woods now in
actuality
My consciousness
is an ocean -
not because my
consciousness has
grown to include
all things but
because I have
shrunk in a a
girlish way to
the lowliest
stream.
6/22/26
I'm in a place
on 7/4/2025 I was
here with 1 and
2 and 3 and
4 and 5
and 6
The turning point
of dreary phenomena
into a more
defined dissolution.
Similar to 2 days
and 6 years ago
when I met those
guardian angels who
still float around
my shoulders.
I'm in a place
where 4 years ago
I was thinking about
you with real possibility
for the first time
and you texted me
"I should've been
there
why didn't
you tell me
to come?"
I'm sorry
But you were there
over my shoulder
anyway
you still are, always
2 nights ago I
dreamed about you
and I actually
saw you and
perceived you and
we just went about
our day and
you were so
bright and beautiful
and everything I
remember about you
was real and true
and I was actually
happy again
I'm so sick of the poetry.
Where are you?
Later
I promised I'd meet
you here
in eternity
didn't I?
didn't I promise?
we've been here all along
There are no holes in
the bucket of my
concentration because
God pours God into God
and the radishes that
bolted from my negligence
are now food for rabbits.
There are no more holes in
the bucket of my concentration
because the water it
carries is consecrated
and the ground I spill it
onto is my Sacred Mother
and the radishes that
bolted from my negligence
are now food for rabbits
and the phenomenal earth
is made of the same
dream-dirt as
I am.
God is in me God is in
me God is in me.
I close my eyes and
see the ecstatic light
of the spiritual eye
but a yogi is not
elated by joyous
experiences nor
perturbed by negative
ones is it not
this very same light
that manifested all
creation?
Aummmmmm Lord I
am yours lead me
to the bliss of
eternal communion with
thee let me never
cast an eye
upon the earth without
seeing your
divine reflection and
if I do - let
me pluck it out.
I choose God!
I choose God!
I'm running running
straight to you my
omniscient lover
I choose love!
I choose eternal love!
I choose life!
I choose eternal life!
I bow to Thee
everywhere, then -
pick up my head
straighten my spine
and run!
No longer a
question of are you
there, but
am I aware?
You are not hiding
from me, I
am hiding from Thee
Open my eye Lord
I open my eye
By Thy Grace
let my eye
remain open and
eternally cast upon
Thy Light
Aum guru Aum Guru
I want you so bad
I see the
whole
universe of
desire
everywhere
God I want you so
bad I see the
whole universe of
desires laid out
like a swirling
panorama and
I see it everything
I've ever wanted and
everything anyone's
ever wanted and
none of that compares
to my one true
desire
I want you
For having Thee
I have everything
but I don't even
want everything
I want you
come to me Lord
come to me as I
am
I am your son
daughter lover
etc.
Come to me lord I
want nothing else
come to me Father
Thou and I are One
Lay my body
excuse me, this, body in the
perfect grass
I know it's perfect
excuse me,
the awareness of its perfection
is present because I,
excuse me
these eyes did observe
the liters and liters of
pesticides being sprayed 'pon it
this body lies here,
perfectly content because the
pesticides killed every bug.